DEAR ABBY: I come from a really shut household, and I’m the rock of the household. If somebody wants assist, I’m the one they arrive to. Just lately, my nephew has been in a downward spiral due to medication. He’s now in jail.
He’s solely 19 and was all the time a tremendous younger man, however he began on the unsuitable highway after witnessing his father take his personal life a number of years in the past. When he will get out of jail, he needs to start out over — come reside with me, go to rehab and start a brand new life.
My downside is my fiance. He doesn’t need to assist my nephew, particularly if he will probably be on home arrest. I do know my nephew’s potential, and I can’t throw him away and refuse to assist. How do I get my fiance to grasp this with out jeopardizing our relationship? — CARING AUNT IN INDIANA
DEAR AUNT: It might be a problem, contemplating the function you may have assumed as “the rock of the household.” What your nephew witnessed was horrific. Compounding the tragedy is the truth that he didn’t obtain counseling for the trauma and turned as a substitute to medication.
I perceive your want to absorb your nephew, and I additionally perceive your fiance’s reluctance to have a substance-addicted relative beneath home arrest in your (and his, I assume) house.
Maybe you would conform to a compromise. Lock up your valuables and provides your nephew a brief tryout with the understanding that if he lapses, he goes straight to rehab and a midway home. You may then assist his restoration in different methods, like serving to him discover a group resembling Survivors of Suicide or one which helps victims of PTSD.
DEAR ABBY: I’m an expert journey adviser who works on fee. A lot of my shoppers are pals or relations, and I sincerely admire their patronage. A few years in the past, my husband and I grew to become pals with a pleasant couple. We patronized the husband’s enterprise, and so they launched us to a lot of their pals. We sponsored them right into a social membership, and so they made many new pals due to it. Now we have entertained them in our house quite a few instances for personal dinners and summer season pool events.
They booked a cheap cruise by me as soon as. Sadly, a number of years in the past there was a disagreement, and we prevailed. In retribution, they distanced themselves from us. They journey with lots of the pals they launched us to, and since then, the whole group arranges their journey by another person, though they nonetheless settle for our dinner and get together invites.
It’s distressing that the spite of 1 couple has soured {our relationships} with two different {couples} who apparently really feel nearer to them. I take into account the others to be “collateral injury,” and we’ve got distanced ourselves from them, too. Am I too delicate? — TRAVELING AWAY IN TEXAS
DEAR TRAVELING: I don’t assume so. As you acknowledged, these individuals had been all the time nearer to the couple who distanced themselves from you after the disagreement than they had been with you. It might be disappointing, but it surely isn’t a giant private loss. A lack of revenue, sure, however that’s enterprise, and enterprise is replaceable. It’s time to start out cultivating some new pals, and this time, don’t combine enterprise with pleasure, which, as you may have discovered the exhausting manner, could be dangerous.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
