DEAR ABBY: I earn a living from home, so I don’t must dress up each day. I put on T-shirts and athletic shorts as a result of I often coach my sons in after-school sports activities and need to be comfy. On daily basis, my spouse complains about my look, evaluating me to different fathers. She additionally has no downside yelling about it in entrance of my youngsters or her household. This occurs typically. She says, “Folks received’t need to do enterprise with you when you gown like that!”
Anytime I see a consumer, I gown for the event. Since she appears to don’t have any downside saying something about my look, can I say one thing concerning the weight she has gained over the past couple of years? Since she says stuff like that to me, I believe it’s solely truthful that I needs to be allowed to say one thing to her. — COMFORTABLE IN THE EAST
DEAR COMFORTABLE: Say something you want, however earlier than you open your mouth, ask your self whether or not it will be useful or inflame the state of affairs. Many individuals desire to decorate casually, and generally others might be judgmental about it — your spouse being solely considered one of them. As strongly as your spouse could really feel about your selection of apparel, she’s mistaken to criticize you in entrance of others, as a result of berating you’ll not enhance the state of your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend misplaced his sister unexpectedly to a coronary heart assault. She was solely 50. I’m attempting to be there for him and provides him his area whereas he’s grieving. The factor is, he has stopped responding or contacting me. Each few days, I’d ship him phrases of assist, however he doesn’t reply — not with a “thanks” or something. This has been occurring for the previous week.
Lastly, I figured that he’s ghosting me and not needs to be bothered with me however doesn’t need to say it. So I instructed him I didn’t need to add to his stress, that I felt he was over our relationship and I wouldn’t trouble him anymore. He responded, saying I’m taking it too personally, there’s nothing I can do to assist and it’s one thing he has to undergo.
I do know that. I perceive grieving. However am I supposed to simply wait till he looks like speaking or being bothered with me, for nevertheless lengthy it takes? I’m attempting to be understanding, however for somebody to simply reduce you off and never even acknowledge you is terrible. I imply, he’s fully emotionally unavailable, like I don’t exist! I don’t know what to do. — PUSHED ASIDE IN THE SOUTH
DEAR PUSHED: Right here’s what to do. Again off! Because you perceive grieving, you have to know that no two folks grieve precisely alike or on the identical timetable. Your boyfriend has instructed you explicitly what he wants. When you care about him, give him area and cease personalizing this. His emotional wants should come earlier than your individual proper now. Distract your self by seeing associates or involving your self in actions you possibly can take pleasure in for the subsequent month or so. When you do, when he’s feeling extra like himself once more, he’ll come again to you.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.