Pricey Mark … Are you actually going to battle a blended martial arts cage match with Elon Musk? It sounds just like the plot of a foul ’90s cyberpunk novel or an outtake from Idiocracy. I’ve to consider this can be a huge troll by the 2 of you—my bullshit detector is screaming like a banshee. However there are disturbing indications this isn’t a joke.
This week you have been coaching with UFC champions. In keeping with The New York Instances, you and Musk have been in contact with Dana White, president of the Final Preventing Championship, to arrange the bout, most definitely within the Las Vegas Octagon. “Will probably be the largest battle within the historical past of fight sports activities,” White stated.
If the matchup occurs, it will additionally decrease the bar for what passes as civilization in our society. Simply in case that is actual: I implore you, don’t do that.
I can see that you’ve got change into a health nut, Mark. You lately aced the Murph problem, which entails a complete lot of calisthenics and sweating. Instagram posts have appeared with pictures of your swole bod. Final month, you advised your favourite podcast interlocutor, Lex Fridman, that the majority of your coaching goes towards combating and that you’ve got recruited associates and Meta colleagues for a casual coaching circle, like a middle-aged nerd model of the after-school coaching camp in The Karate Child. Hey, no matter works to alleviate the stress of operating Meta! I perceive.
However this Musk factor isn’t a respectful bout within the grand custom of Zen or Jedi masters. It’s a distempered twist to a failed enterprise relationship turned nasty and private. Keep in mind, Mark, I used to be there when it began! That was in Nigeria, whenever you discovered that Musk had put your satellite tv for pc on a rocket earlier than the testing was completed, and the entire factor exploded. You have been steamed—and issues haven’t been nice between you since. Extra lately Musk discovered you have been planning to launch a competitor to Twitter, which he purchased for $44 billion however has since watched plummet in worth. That’s when Musk issued the cage-match problem, which you rashly, tragically accepted.
You and Elon have indicated that a number of the pay-per-view funds from this battle royale will go to charity. Sorry, you don’t get to sugarcoat this so simply. You and Elon are among the many two richest individuals on the earth. With a swipe of your telephone you can divert a couple of billion {dollars} to any humanitarian trigger you select, together with your personal Zuckerberg-Chan Initiative, which seeks to get rid of all illness. Charity is an excellent expression of humanity’s greatest qualities; this battle can be nothing lower than a reversion to the basest impulses of our species.
In any case, depart it to Elon to say out loud the true subtext of this glorified schoolyard scrap. In a tweet this week, he urged that he and you must have a “literal dick-measuring contest.” That’s the extent of sophistication this rivalry sits at now. As a substitute of defining yourselves by your historic technological and company achievements, you two are striving to settle disputes like cavemen.
Right here’s what’s much more alarming: Hand-to-hand fight is an concept that’s catching on among the many tremendous wealthy. Throughout this week’s mega-elite mogul-fest in Solar Valley, Marc Andreessen, a longtime member of Meta’s board, reportedly endorsed the Elon-Zuck bout and, in response to Puck’s report, went additional, calling for a “return to how people have traditionally defended themselves.” He went on to induce mother and father to “practice their youngsters in martial arts in anticipation of an more and more violent and unsure world.” (All that is sort of odd coming from a billionaire. In my statement, the ultra-rich often journey with personal safety that dramatically lowers the chances of some tech-hating Bruce Lee wannabe laying on them with fists of fury.)
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